As moms, we know when something is not “right” with our kids. Even if they tell us that everything is fine, we know when this is not true. And it’s often our “mom intuition” that uncovers the real reasons for behavioral changes in our kids, especially in regards to bullying and intimidation. In this second article in our series on bullying, we are going to discuss how to directly deal with this problem, one that is all too prevalent in our schools today. (If you missed it, be sure to read the first article “Is Your Child Being Bullied?” to discover common signs of bullying.)

Step 1: Listen

Mom, once your suspicions are confirmed, there are steps you can take to help your child deal with a bully. First of all, listen to your child and affirm his or her feelings. (Though you are going to be feeling highly emotional yourself, listening is crucial!) It might even be beneficial for you to share a story or two of your own. This support helps remove the shame and embarrassment your child might be feeling about the situation. And, if there are older siblings in the family, a few of their own stories could help, too.

Step 2: Learn the Details

Next, find out where the bullying occurs. Obviously bullies do not want to be overheard by someone in authority, so these incidents usually happen at times when there is little supervision: in the bathroom, in the hallway, at recess, to and from school, etc. If possible, help your child find a way to avoid the situation. Think about it logistically. Is there another route to take or another facility to use? If not, encourage your child to use a buddy system to avoid being in those targeted areas alone.

Step 3: Role Play

Most kids don’t know how to respond to bullying, which is one reason why it is so frustrating…and effective. In order to build your child’s confidence when placed in a situation where bullying occurs, try role playing. Offer suggestions on ways to respond. Of course, the idea is to neutralize the situation, not escalate it. A simple “that’s not cool” might be enough. Or, depending on the situation and other factors involved, you might need to instruct your child to just ignore the taunts and walk away.

Step 4: Ask for Help

Let’s say you have walked your child through all the reasonable steps, and the bullying has not stopped (or has increased). Unfortunately, this can happen; however, you still have resources available to help you help your child.

The state of Arizona requires all schools to have anti-bullying procedures in place so that any student, parent, or school official can report an incident of bullying, harassment or intimidation confidentially (see ARS 15-341). Additionally, each school must define appropriate disciplinary actions. Though you might want to just talk to the parents of the child who is bullying to find a resolution, in most cases, working through the process that the school already has in place is a better…and wiser…option.

As you follow these steps to help your child deal with a bullying incident, you will also be helping your child learn appropriate social skills for future conflicts. So, mom, if your child is being bullied, there is no need to just stand by; there is something you can do!

Articles provided by Sylvan Learning Centers of Phoenix for the benefit our readers.

This story came across my e-mail and I believe it is worth sharing. It was originally written for a nonprofit website, K12@moms.com, which is underwritten by Sylvan Learning franchisees.

Few days pass without news of another instance of bullying and its tragic effects on the one targeted. Though we often shudder and shake our heads in dismay, the sad reality is that parents are often the last to know when their child is being bullied. With that in mind, in this next series of articles, we are going to look at bullying from several different angles: the signs of bullying (when your child won’t tell you), what to do when your child is being bullied, and what to do when you find out that your child is the bully. Lastly, we will focus on cyber bullying and how to respond to this form of abuse in the electronic age.
What is bullying?
As moms, we must acknowledge the fact that today’s bullying is much different than the “teasing” typically experienced in school. Bullying, by definition, is ongoing aggressive behavior, which is intended to cause harm, physical or otherwise. It is, in essence, a form of child abuse. And by its very nature, there is usually an imbalance of power present in the relationship. For example, the one bullying physically is often much larger in stature than the one being bullied. In the case of verbal bullying, which includes threats and spreading rumors and lies, there is often a “pack” mentality, with several aligned against one. And though bullying is not restricted by age (some of you might be dealing with a workplace bully right now), its effects are particularly harmful for adolescents, who are just beginning to build self-esteem.
What are the signs?
If your child is being bullied, you will probably see signs of it at home (though you might initially think it is your child’s relationship within the family that is the problem instead of his or her relationship with others). Signs of bullying include, but are not limited to, one or more of the following:
1. Physical injuries – Scratches, bruises and other physical marks
2. Missing or damaged personal items
3. Physical symptoms – Sleeplessness, loss of appetite
4. Emotional signs – Anxiety, withdrawal, depression
Won’t it resolve itself?
Most adolescents are embarrassed to be a target of bullying, which is a reason why so many of them do not share their experience with others, especially their parents. In fact, they typically just hope it will “go away” on its own. Unfortunately, bullying rarely stops without some sort of intervention by an authority figure, whether that is a parent, school administrator, or law enforcement official.
As we work through the latest research and recommendations regarding bullying, I hope you will be able to share these findings with other moms. Unfortunately, bullying has become disturbingly common in today’s world. However, equipped with the correct information and appropriate responses, we can protect our kids! So please stay tuned for our next article: Bullying: What’s A Mom To Do?

Articles provided by Sylvan Learning Centers of Phoenix for the benefit our readers.

My baby tries to sneak into the pool while her brother swims at practice. This could be the toughest part of my mom duties this summer – keeping her dry!

I gathered collected half a dozen towels from my car tonight, about twice as many empty water bottles and half as many cans of sunscreen.

At 8:30 p.m., all three of my children were sound asleep – an hour before bed time.

And I’ve filled my car up with gas twice this week.

It adds up to only one thing: It must be preseason swim and dive camp in Gilbert.

For the fourth – or is it fifth? – year in a row, my family is participating in the town’s summer aquatics program. We’ve jumped around again this year. One child is diving in the morning at one pool, while another is swimming in the evening at another.

It’s going to make for many days that start well before 8 a.m. and end after 8 p.m., but it’s going to be fun. Already, we’ve seen many familiar faces from last year, and even some from other activities the kids have done in the past. My son and his best buddy are swimming on the same team for the first time and my daughter is thrilled to be back on the diving board.

I’m so grateful the kids have this program, especially since we don’t have a pool. It means a guaranteed 40 minutes of water time at least four times a week.

It also means for at least part of each day, I won’t hear, “I’m bored!”

We’re not going for medals in our family. We’re just looking for a fun activity, where the kids can hang with friends and learn the skills of perseverance and commitment.

It’s a bonus that it means they’ll probably sleep through the night.

Now, if I can only find a good way to keep their 2-year-old sister busy and away from the water during practice.

My three kids last year wearing shirts I made with their ages on them. I used it for my Christmas card. “Our kids are cute, you know,” my husband told me. “It’s OK to show their faces.” Hey! I was going for creative.

Well, this comes as no surprise to this working mom of three! When reporting how much stress they feel, a survey found that moms of three children feel more stressed than moms of one or two children.
But more stressed out than moms with four or more children? Yup, that’s what the survey found.
I can see the point made by one mom in the survey – that at four kids, the idea of the perfect house, routine, etc., goes out the door. But still, there are more doctor appointments, more parent-teacher conferences, and more bedtime stories to read, right?
How do you feel about this survey?
When the day gets long, I try to remember to take a walk, even if it’s in a circle around the playground while the children play.
Let’s just say I haven’t remembered that much lately.
But I also find days I just have to “let go” of the state of the house – leave the dishes in the sink, leave the clothes in the dryer, leave the dust on the floor.
Thankfully, this weekend, my husband and I rallied the troops and together, all five of us did clean the house. It was fun to watch the 2-year-old using the vacuum hose to clean up crumbs on the couch (with daddy’s help). But hey, it got the job done.
And since we are so busy this week already (did I mention we’ve made a visit to ER?), we won’t be home much.
Maybe the house will stay clean until Mother’s Day. Maybe.

 Won’t you join us?

Got childcare?
A recent report out last week shows 61 percent of children nationwide under age 5 are in some type of regular child care.
My 2-year-old is one of them.
I’m pretty much been a working mom since having my first child 10 years ago. The report looks at both working and nonworking moms and dads (and thus, the 61 percent is based on both). For me, what I’ve been most grateful for are the caregivers my children have had – and we’ve had our run of different services.
One of my best friends provided care for all my babies when they were young. I don’ t know how I would have gone back to work had I had them anywhere else. She was their second mom – and in many ways that role continues years later. In some cases it was long term. I worked full-time for just about 10 months after both my oldest and youngest children. I worked part-time after my middle child.
Apparently, our arrangement would not fall into the majority today. According to the U.S. Census Bureau report, “Who’s Minding the Kids? Child Care Arrangements: Spring 2011,” of those in regular arrangements (at least weekly care) 42 percent of children under 5 were watched by a relative, while only 33 percent were watched by a non-relative.
The report shows grandparents to be the most likely relative watching the children in relative-related care. And nearly 25 percent of children in regular non-relative care were in a daycare center, nursery or preschool.
If they’d asked me any of these questions based on the full 10 years of being a mother, I could have said, “all of the above.”
Reading the report sparked a memory that for my son’s first year of life, his grandmother watched him once a week. My two older children received care in a church-based Mesa childcare center for years before it was closed during the recession (declining numbers and increased licensing fees). My oldest son even attended school-district preschool for two years.
When my youngest came along, my friend thankfully offered to care for her. But when summer came and she needed to spend more time with her three kiddos (totally understandable!), my daughter spent a few months with a neighbor who ran childcare in her home.
Then, again, my work situation changed and I decided to try a long-established day-care center my brother attended as a child.
It’s worked out well, but the cost increase was quite a bit. Today, I pay $32 more a month for her to be in part-time care than I paid for my middle child to be in full-time care. In fact, the cost of paying for after-school care for the big kids and full-time care for my youngest (and the stress of three kids and full-time work), prompted me to go part-time.
But that, is another story. Tomorrow, I’ll look at the rising cost of childcare according to the new report.

Growing up, I wanted to be an astronaut. From about 9 or 10 through the first year of high school, I KNEW that would be my career. Back then (dang, it wasn’t that long ago, was it?), the space shuttle was fairly new. Networks covered every launch.It was BIG news.
My parents did everything they could to encourage this interest – from helping me find addresses to write letters to the astronauts (and paying for the stamps) to sending me to Space Camp thousands of miles away in a state we’d never visited (and putting me on a plane by myself to get there).
Of course, I’m not an astronaut. My dreams changed. And with each idea and step in a new direction – future band director, musician, dancer, writer – my parents didn’t tell me “that’s not a good idea” or “maybe try something else.” They supported me.
That’s one lesson I’m certainly trying to put into practice as a mom.
My middle child has said for about a year or two that she wants to be a pilot. My husband and I both have a long line of pilot relatives – grandparents, parents, uncles. So it should be of no surprise that one of our children is considering this.
We’ve talked to her about schools she can attend in high school to learn more about aviation, taken her to the science center, even visited the NASA exhibit.
With her California grandparents in town this past weekend, we loaded up the car for a visit to the Falcon Field Open House in Mesa. Not only was she excited about it, but so was her brother and grandfather – my dad. My dad knew how the gears, bells and whistles worked on an airplane before he was 13 since my grandfather owned an airport in Indiana.
Our family soaked up the event – from my dad’s long talk with the owner of a Piper he used to fly to seeing an Apache Helicopter up close to the large-scale trains in a hanger, the entire visit was a hit. My son really enjoyed seeing the helicopters. Even our youngest got in the act.
But the highlight had to be when the owner of a flying school picked up my 8-year-old daughter and put her in a two-seat training plane. She just lit up.
I have no idea if she’ll become a pilot (though I wouldn’t put it past her), but I do know that I really enjoy encouraging this goal.
And if nothing else, when she is a mom, i hope she takes this lesson to heart, too.

Time spent as a family makes for a perfect day.

I want to remember it all: the way my girls giggle at night as they try to hide in one bed, the image of my son with his nose in a book morning, noon and night.
I want to remember seeing the back of my husband and daughter cuddled on the couch watching the latest “Alaska” series you’ve tumbled across on television.
I want to remember the giggles in the morning when you should be getting ready for school, but instead, all three kids are swinging from our tree swing – together.
I need to remember these images and not the times I lose my cool and snap when I should have patience. I need to remember the gentle breathing of my 2-year-old as she quickly falls asleep after a long day – and not the many meltdowns she had because of a missed nap.
It seems impossible that eight years ago my oldest was that age, impossible to put to bed without crawling in with him.
Not much has changed. Memory serves me well there.
Memory also recalls another blonde, cubby face child of mine swinging for hours at the park, when it was just the two of us.
I must remember the promise I made today to the youngest – we’ll visit the park this weekend. I must remember the promise I made to myself – don’t sweat the little stuff. They’re kids. Let them be kids.
Remember to kiss them each night and say our prayers. Remember to hug them tight. Remember to breath and count to 10 and give them those extra moments to get out the door and settled in the car because they’re young and little slow and that’s OK because they WANT to do it themselves without help.
Remember to take photos and PUT THEM IN A BOOK because one day, I may not remember, but I’ll see it there. How young they once were and all the fun times we truly enjoyed together.